Good Grief!

The Catholic Church teaches that, during the Eucharistic celebration, the body, blood, soul and divinity of the Catholic Christ are present in a real and substantial manner in the consecrated wafer and wine. It is Catholic dogma, to which Catholic faithful must assent in faith, that their Jesus continues to be really and substantially present in the Eucharistic species for so long as they retain the appearances of bread and wine.

"Jesus remains entirely present after the consecration as long as the appearances of bread and wine remain. (His Presence is not limited to the moment of receiving.) - Trent, [Decree on the Most Holy Eucharist], Canon 4: Denz. 886..." (Adam S. Miller, The Final Word, Tower of David Publications (1997), p. 22)

In other words, the Catholic Christi's body, blood, soul and divinity are really and substantially present in the cookie and the wine right up until saliva and gastric juices mix with the wine and begin to dissolve the cookie. What happens to the Catholic Jesus when the 'species' of his former self begin to yield to the recipient's digestive processes? Well, what Catholic teaching opn the matter that I have managed to discover don't provide much of an answer.

"According to the general teaching of theologians, the Real Presence continues as long as the species, which constitute the sacramental signs ordained by Christ, remain. The ceasing of the Real Presence must be conceived neither as a destruction (annihilatio) properly so-called nor as a transformation of the body and blood of Christ into another substance, nor as a local movement, in which it returns to Heaven. When the species are corrupted, in place of the body and blood of Christ, those substances probably appear which correspond to the specific nature of the altered accidents." (Ludwig Ott, Fundamentals of Catholic Dogma, Tan Books & Publ:Rockford (1974), w/Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur, p. 387)

From Dr. Ott. Catholic theologian and educator, we learn that the Catholic Jesus doesn't change into something else, nor does he return to Catholic Heaven. So what happens to him? Where does he go? Beats me.

Here's an idea. Trip on over to this site, where you can gaze into the mouth of one of the Catholic faithful and look upon a gob of red goo that some claim to be an Apparition of the Catholic Christ:

Some might say, and I am one of them, that what we are looking at is a piece of something red on the tongue of a woman. Apparently, the red thing is dissolving and mixing with saliva, which is then drooling over the woman's lower lip. That's certainly something to worship.

Someone noticed the red drool and informed the visiting Canadian bishop, who was celebrating the Mass. Ukrainian Catholic Bishop Roman Danylak told the drooler to swallow the mess that was in her mouth, which she did. The bishop later wrote a testimonial concerning the 'apparition,' which he and everyone present dutifully signed.

Someone reported a miraculous healing, which she claims happened at the moment she saw her drooling friend sucking on her cheeks after receiving communion. Hmmm. Interesting. I betcha that if I sucked really hard on my cheeks and perhaps bit off a little bit of the lining of my mouth I could have a bit of bloody flesh in my mouth too. Would that also be an apparition of the Catholic Jesus?

Julia Kim, the lady of the blessed drool, provides her account of the events and, of course, the text of the Marian message that the Catholic Jesus delivered to her when he had assumed a more recognizable form that only she could see. You can read all the testimonies and the Catholic Jesus' dictated words at the site.

Then there's the case of the "Kissing Virgin," Our Lady of Garbandal. This fantasy was established and sustained by the antics of a couple of girls in a small Spanish town. These girls were reported to see the BVM and receive messages from her. The neat parts include the girls' levitations and the kissing of medals by the apparition. This kissing of objects gives them healing powers. If you have time on your schedule there is an "official" Our Lady of Mt. Carmel at Garabandal web page where the really bored might watch the village priest's account of all this stuff. To go there, just click here.

Bishop Danylak does get around. Seems he was present when the Catholic Earth Mother Goddess appeared to a pilgrimage group. This was a really neat visit that is 'verified' by a couple of photographs in which, if you try really hard, or perhaps examine after partaking of too much sacramental wine, you can see Ashteroth – that is, the Blessed Virgin Mary—and Bishop Danylak. Wow! The URL for that wonder is: http://www.ourlady.ca/ When you get there, click on the "Miraculous Pictures" button at the left edge of your screen.

The bishop also happened to be with a guy named Roger on September 12, 2001 when the Catholic Jesus delivered a message to Roger. Supposedly, the message was the Catholic Jesus' response to the terrorist attacks the previous day. The message was made available – for a donation of $29.95 plus shipping and handling –on two CDs. One CD provides the Catholic Jesus' precise take on the terrorist attacks, and the second apparently is the usual love and kisses message that Catholic apparitions always seem to voice.

The offering web page doesn't state whether Roger managed to get actual voice recordings of the Catholic Jesus' messages, but wouldn't it be something if the voice heard on the CD's was the 'real and substantial' voice of the Catholic Christ? You can see "miraculous" pictures and read about it at: here Update: the "29.95 Voice of Jesus recording is no longer offered.

Apparently, Ukrainian Catholic Bishop Roman Danylak is an 'apparition magnet.” Sinners likely need to wear rubber-soled shoes when they are standing near him, to help protect them from random bolts of holy lightning or sparks thrown off by the apparitions he seems to attract.

Sheesh! Seems Catholicism is as good at finding ways to make a buck off of tragedies as any common street hustler. Just a day after tragedy struck in Washington, Pennsylvania and New York, a Catholic money machine was in action, gearing up to turn the incredible death toll and destruction of the terrorist attacks into a cash cow. Shame! Shame! Shame!

When I read of 'holy hoaxes' like these, I am minded of the words the prophet Ezekiel used when pronouncing God's curse on unfaithful Israel: